Thursday, December 24, 2009

2009 - The Year We All Got Fired & Went Broke

This year was a MESS!

Before I go in on the crap ending to this crap decade, let me acknowledge the obvious.

A few really great things did happen in 2009. In music and elsewhere.

Music aside? The biggest, and perhaps only, truly great event of 2009 was the very existence of President Barack "Barry" Hussein "Who Want What?" Obama. My man! Initially, after the inauguration, many grew discouraged. Job losses mounted, banks whined, right wing nut jobs rambled freely on the airwaves. But now the jobless rate's turned around, the banks are good, the stock market is great, and universal health care is one day away from passing the Senate!

Yeah the ice caps are melting and we're still stuck in 2 wars. And the jobless numbers are only starting to go down now because me and everyone I know has been fired. At least once this year.

Twice, sometimes!


Yes. I got fired twice this year.

Heh. I'm a born overacheiver.
I'm okay for now though, just living off random consulting gigs (which is to say, not really.)

Good: Wale dropped! Slaughterhouse released their debut! Cam'ron made a loud return!
Bad: All three of those albums bricked.

And many others underperformed. 50 Cent and Rick Ross both have yet to go gold; amusingly, Officer Ricky moved just over 400k, 50 just over 300,000. Most critics are heralding Kid Cudi's Man In The Moon debut as the best album of the year- it barely did 200k. Boom bap purist favorite, Raekwon's Bret Favre-esuq resurrection, Only Built For Cuban Linx II!...barely moved a hundred grand.

My favorite music from 2009 universally flopped, with the exception of the Blueprint 3, which like, the Return Of The Jedi, truly belonged to the earlier era of its trilogy.
The industry of music, of sales of recorded music, is dying.
Very close to dead.

"But HOW?"

How? You really don't know?

The end times are here, that's how. Over the last decade, hip-hop fans ages 18-35 stopped buying music. Our demographic has mastered the internet! How can we pay when we how to get it all for free? The effect has been gradual. This year is the worst on record, but only going downhill from here. There are country folks, twelve year olds and guilt-ridden Boomers still paying for their music, but as the technology gap shrinks in the next decade these groups will learn how to steal and stop buying too.

Yeah, iTunes is great. It traffics, what, 10% of what the illegal downloads do?

Moving on.
In other bad news, lots of funerals. Some even called 2009





(tm I assume)

Unlike all the other years of human history, in which people have also died.

Uh. Yeah. Lots of celebrities died, probably as a result of all the poverty and despair going around. Most bored me. MJ? Be real, you guys, the MJ we loved died years ago. Farrah Fawcett and Patrick Swayze were sad, but sick for years, the surprise was minimal.

Only two deaths really freaked me out. Brittany Murphy, most recently . Maybe I only feel that way because it just happened last week. Or maybe hot girls my age SHOULDN'T BE DYING! For drug-rumored, unexplained, shady-husband-caused reasons!

"Sunrise is such a buzzkill!"

(I agree.)

Brittany Murphy is probably the reason I've had a lifelong fetish for girls
with dark circles under their eyes. Her, and Liv Tyler. (Nothing
happen to Liv Tyler for the next 40 years, please.)

The other dead celebrity was not a celebrity really. A hip-hop legend, though, both in terms of reputation and literally. Like Lauryn Hill, a shattered genius who wandered away for years. But he came back and things were looking so promising!

I'm talking about Baatin of Slum Village. Slum Village is the Greek tragedy of indie midwindy backpacker boom bap. Between Dilla, label drama, and Baatin flaking years ago, events conspired to kill SV before the group could taste success, Baatin in particular.

Now, on the cusp of their reunion, he was back and focused. The disc was a wrap by the end of July. A couple days later, Baatin turned up cold and stiff. Only 35 years old.

Rest In Power B.

His best known verse:

More to post, soon come! LISTS! Even a full blown outbreak of THE LISTICLE! Maybe. My best, worst, and most hilarious or strange in 2009 will make its appearance here. Soon! In the next week or six. That's a promise. Um. If I don't get too busy.

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