Tuesday, November 25, 2008

To Young Berg: Fall Back, Fam! Love, The Go.

barry's kickin back with his feet up. me too...

Three weeks have gone by since that crazy, awesome election. It's hard to believe, even now, that our own skinny, nerdy Senator from Kenwood (post gentrified Kenwood, but STILL) has taken over. A dude who came up in the wild hunnets is now PRESIDENT!
It figures, this being Haterville, that a playa from the chi has made it all the way to Commander In Chief, and STILL! We don't have one real homegrown hip-hop success to claim.

Common And Kanye are the biggest names repping the CHI. And they grew up here, it's true. But they don't count.

Rashid & Ye Tudda weren't stacking paper when they stayed around the way. They had to move to NYC to get their careers off the ground - haha, Newark, in 'Ye's case.

That's how it is here in Haterville. Chicago can't support a scene for some reason. Philly has a dynamic local scene where rappers get money and build their reps. Miami has that crazy nightlife supporting them, Khaled et al. LA and SF do they regional thing. Even St. Louis was able to break Nelly, Chingy and Murphy Lee! And they never had to move away. But Com and Ye couldn't make it at the crib. They honed their skills here, but they both skipped town as soon as they had the money for tickets.
"...chunk up a deuce and let's be out!"

Who else could claim to put the city on their back? Rhymefest went gold, I think. He also relocated to the East. Da Brat? Haha ok, but she left out to the west real quick once she got the chance, even if she broke out initially at home.

The biggest name never to leave? Twista. Lyrically, dude's an unrivalled underground legend, always my top five. His career, tho? A one hit wonder initially - saleswise, dude fell off post Adrenalin Rush. Then, he made the best of that John Travolta esque career revival, thanks to Kanye's collabos, cameos and beats. After that, dude tried to make it with cheaper producers, and that album went brick. Last I heard, he was banking on an endorsement deal with McDonalds, and then that fell through. Ouch.

Haterville haters, please!
Calm yourselves!

I know, there's fifteen to twenty dope, semi-popular local MCs that could go on this list. Several have or had deals. But none have emerged nationally, not yet. Cool Kids & Mickey Halsted have shown, but have yet to prove.

Which brings me to Yung Berg. Sadly, until Obama, Berg was the biggest thing from the Go in 2008.

(This picture of Berg is from a few years ago, when he was a Bad Boy draft pick - before he hit puberty?)

At first, I didn't hate the little dude. I starting hearin him back in February, when that "Sexy Can I" joint bubbled. At the time, most people I know dismissed his Juelz-lite flow and appearance. He seemed forgettable, a baby ja rule with less wailing.

He fell off my radar until May. I wake up one afternoon to find the hip hop gossip blogs all aflutter, cuz Berg got all caught up in some fake YouTube beef nonsense, takin shots at Brisco and Flo Rida? It's a hip-pop-soft-rap civil war! LOL. Somehow, Berg actually came out looking worse. We hoped he would stay gone for a minute.

But joe returned to public embarassment in July, when he told a talk show host on the radio that prefers light skinted ladies, hates seeing "dark butts". Fall back, fam! No one needed to hear about your racial sex fetishes. He tried to clarify his nasty statements half-heartedly, but still sounded like an immature clown. By August, people were done with Berg's silly ass.

In a case of terrible timing, his debut dropped August 12th.

"Sexy Can I" was a platinum selling single. His album, "Look What You Made Me," did 19,000 in the first week.

DAMN. Those are Hell Rell numbers.

So things can't possibly get any worse for Berg, right? (He had to be thinking, anyway.) He's got a show in Detroit Saturday, August 23rd. Decides to show up in Detroit Friday, and start drinking. Runs into Trick Trick, Eminem associate, a hardbody individual. Trick sees Berg's hilarious Transformers Chain, and takes it away, D-Bo bike style.
This was all over tha internetz within hours.

("It's like it's both ours, D-Bo!")

Following this episode, Berg lay low for a few weeks. Then, in early October, Maino ("Hi, Hater!") encountered YB at the club out in ATL and delivered up some hot, fresh, humiliating pimp slappery! Berg apparently just sat there and took it.

So what does IceBerg Jr. do now? Sales have bricked, his rep is ruined....he need to see if UPS is hiring. Is this the right time to
drop an Alfamega collabo and attempt to SPEAK on your recent experiences?

NO! No, it is not. Fam, fall back. Lay low for a minute or five. Step away from the microphone. The Go don't need this right now. We're in the global spotlight thanks to the election! We need to defend our hardbody Capone era rep, so people know Barack is not to be trifled with. The President, joe! You're embarassing the President!

Lyrically, this track is a new low. Previously, dude had sex rhymes, boasts about his hustle, and...more sex rhymes. Now he's got...boasts about being bitchmade? "I told Flo Rida I was wrong, dog that's the bottom line..." WTF? "Y'all like the raps, just wait until you hear the R&B." Career change in the works there?

"No need for pistols, my success gon kill em." Hahahaha, bruh....that platinum plaque wasn't lost in the mail. "Ninjaz hate on young'n but these bitches fuckin' wit me" is your punchline? My dude. Take a hiatus, seriously.

RHYMING ABOUT HOW YOU GOT PUNKED? Even Officer Ross, for all his denials, never tried to justify his bitchmade nature IN RHYME. Don't speak on that chain or that slap, ever again. I beg of you. For the city on your back.

For your own good.

Happy Holidays, kids!

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